Laughter, The Best Medicine
THE TRUTH IN JUST 13 WORDS........
Inside every older person
younger person - wondering what the
Quotations from women
about women . . . . . . .
The hardest years in life are
those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)
I refuse to think of them as chin
hairs. I think of them as stray
Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"?
Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed
to put my breast in an envelope and send
it to someone.
A few weeks after my surgery, I went
out to play catch with my golden
retriever. When I bent over to pick
up the ball, my prosthesis fell out.
The dog snatched it, and I found
myself chasing him down the road
yelling "Hey, come back here with my
Things are going to get a lot worse
before they get worse.
You know the hardest thing about
having cerebral palsy and being a woman?
It's plucking your eyebrows. That's
how I originally got pierced ears.
A male gynecologist is like an auto
mechanic who never owned a car.
Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
My second favorite household chore is
ironing. My first being hitting my head
on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.
The phrase "working mother" is
Every time I close the door on reality
it comes in through the windows.
Whatever women must do they must do
twice as well as men to be thought half
as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Thirty-five is when you finally get
your head together and your body starts
I try to take one day at a time,
but sometimes several days attack me
If you can't be a good example, then
you'll just have to be a horrible
When I was young, I was put in a
school for retarded kids for two years
before they realized I actually had a
hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
I'm not offended by all the dumb
blonde jokes because I know I'm not
dumb . . and I'm also not blonde.
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb
women, but you hardly ever see a smart
woman with a dumb guy.
If high heels were so wonderful, men
would still be wearing them.
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears
makes one you can ride on.
I think---therefore I'm single.
When women are depressed they
either eat or go shopping. Men invade
Behind every successful man is a
In politics, if you want anything
said, ask a man--if you want anything
done, ask a woman.
I have yet to hear a man ask for
advice on how to combine marriage and a
I never married, because there was no
need. I have three pets at home which
answer the same purpose as a husband.
I have a dog that growls every
morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon,
and a cat that comes home late every night.